


Tea with the Headmistress

by fluffybookfaerie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Parent-Teacher Conference, The Potters Live, really just an excuse to outline a happy au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 13:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5588080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffybookfaerie/pseuds/fluffybookfaerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Halfway through Harry's first year at Hogwarts, a very much alive James and Lily pop in to check in on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tea with the Headmistress

“I’m terribly sorry to report,” said Lily, in a shrill imitation of McGonagall’s accent, “that your child is failing all of his classes and has conducted himself in such an unruly manner that we are considering sending him to Azkaban.”

James clutched an imaginary pearl necklace in horror. “What makes you think he’s my child? Do I look old enough to have children?”

“Oh, yes,” said Lily, dropping the accent. “Grown-up children, to boot. Grandchildren, probably.”

“Nonsense. I could be a student here.” He nodded to the empty desks in the classroom they were waiting in.

“Hogwarts students don’t have gray hair.”

James ran a hand through his aforementioned hair, a gesture he’d never fully grown out of, and one that Lily found both ridiculous and oddly comforting. “I haven’t got gray hair!” he protested, and then checked his hand to make sure none of his hair had fallen out when he tousled it. “Have I really got any gray hairs?”

“You do!” Lily brought a finger to the nape of his neck and rested it on top of the barely visible but unmistakably present spot of gray. “You have at least four of them! I didn’t mention them before because I didn’t want to alarm you.”

“Saving it up to alarm me at the right time, more like.” James looked around for a reflective surface, and, realizing he wouldn’t be able to see the spot anyway, twitched a hand in the direction of his wand, as if he considered magicking the hair back to black but had changed his mind. “Is it at least a sexy sort of silvery gray?”

“Oh, absolutely. It’s like I’m sleeping with a professor.”

“Better not be seen with me around here, then. Since you could be a student.”

Lily wrapped her arms around his waist and smiled up at him. “You’re a charming bastard, Professor Potter.”

“‘Course I always suspected you had a thing for professors,” he continued cheerily.

Lily gasped and smacked a hand across his chest. “I do not.”

“You always looked so intent on your work during potions lessons, but I knew what you were really thinking about,” he said solemnly.

“What was I really thinking about?” Lily asked, hands withdrawn from his waist to her hips.

“Old Slughorn and--” James said, and then, unable to keep up the deadpan delivery, he dissolved into laughter--and Lily had to laugh, too, just a little bit, even though she didn’t quite know what he was going to say. “Old Slughorn and his--” he gasped out helplessly. “His--his slug,” he howled out.

Lily covered her mouth in horror, but she soon composed herself. She stood with her arms folded until James had finished, and then cooed in a low voice, “Ooh, professor, I’d just love to stay after class and squeeze your… bubotubers.” 

That was too much for both of them, and they had to hold each other to prevent themselves from collapsing from the force of their merriment.

“I certainly hope you weren’t referring to my bubotubers, Miss Evans,” said a voice from the doorway.

They stood, and immediately fell silent. It was incredible how, even over a decade after they’d graduated, she managed to have that effect on them. James wondered if it would be like that will all of the professors, or just her. He suspected the latter.

Professor Minerva McGonagall stood, pale and severe as always, at the entrance to the classroom, commanding, in that way she had, all eyes in the room to her, just in time to see her face break into a broad smile. “It’s wonderful to see you both.”

*

“It’s a shame,” Lily said, as Minerva poured her a second cup of tea. “Molly had the idea that it might be nice to have a reunion of the Order at her and Arthur’s place, but--” she exchanged a glance with James, who slid an arm over the back of her chair and nodded in agreement.

“It’s not as if we as a group have many happy memories to recount over drinks, is it?” he finished for her.

“I quite agree,” said Minerva, setting the teapot back on the desk. “I’m sure I wouldn’t know what to think if someone told me the Order was getting together again! I’d assume You-Know-Who was making a reappearance!”

“I do wonder sometimes,” said James, his brow furrowing. “It’s always possible we might have missed a horcrux somewhere in there.”

“Hardly,” Minerva sniffed. “Regulus was very thorough in collecting information for us. And there aren’t many ways You-Know-Who could have recovered from being thrown into the center of an active volcano. It’s just silliness, really.”

“It’s only natural to wonder,” said Lily. “I often wonder what might have happened if Regulus hadn’t warned us about Peter!”

They shared a moment of silence for their late, treacherous friend and pupil who had been eaten by Hagrid’s pet hippogriff.

“Still!” said Lily brightly. “It really is good to see you, Minerva.”

“Absolutely, Professor,” agreed James. “So, how has Hogwarts been treating its headmistress?”

Minerva took a sip of her tea. “I won’t pretend it’s an easy job,” she told them. “Though at least this is the only parent-teacher conference I’ll be holding, as I’m not sure how objective the Gryffindor head of house is when it comes to Harry--”

“Sirius? Unprofessional? Never!” exclaimed James, at the same time as Lily said, “That’s fair.”

Minerva raised an eyebrow at the interruption, but continued, “But I must say, it’s been remarkably quiet this year. There was a rumor circulating a few years ago that the job of Defense professor was jinxed, but of course you know we’ve held onto the same professor for five years now. Really, the biggest thorn in my side--beyond the Board, but Lucius Malfoy isn’t anything I’m not equipped to deal with--is those unruly Weasley twins. And even they haven’t caused as much trouble as the two of you did in your day.”

James nodded, accepting the compliment. “Speaking of unruly students,” he said, “how much trouble has our Harry been causing?”

Minerva lowered her glasses to gaze at him in mild surprise. “Were you expecting trouble?”

James heaved a dramatic sigh. “Alas, no, but one can always hope.”

“He takes after me, much to James’ eternal distress,” said Lily.

“Not in potions, I’m afraid,” said Minerva. “But aside from that, young Mr. Potter is doing quite well. He excels in Defense Against the Dark Arts, which Remus promises me is not favoritism on his part, but he’s keeping his head above water in the other classes as well. There have unfortunately been a few incidents involving a Slytherin in his class, which we should probably discuss, but on the whole I’ve heard very few complaints about him from Argus, who as I recall knew your name, James, from your second day at Hogwarts.”

“Would’ve been the first,” muttered James, “if I hadn’t been sick during the Sorting Ceremony.”

“And his quidditch team considers him--”

“Come off it,” James interrupted, his face falling slack with surprise.

“I’m sorry?” Minerva, who had likely never been told to come off anything since the Marauders had graduated, looked shocked.

“First-years can’t join the quidditch team. You’re having me on.”

Minerva looked from James to Lily, who was fighting to hold back a smile. “Do you mean to tell me, Lily, that you haven’t told him?”

“Told me what, dear?” James had turned to face Lily, who was giggling now.

“Oh, it’s nothing, dear. Just that our son, you see, is the youngest seeker in a century.”

James turned to Minerva. “Is this true, Professor?”

Minerva, too, was smiling. “I caught him flying unauthorized to prevent his friend’s remembrall from shattering. I should have punished him for it, but since it was a first infraction, and since his broomwork was so exemplary, I had him made seeker, instead.”

James didn’t think he’d been so happy since Lily had announced she was pregnant with their first child. “He learnt that in our back yard, you know. Did he do a serpent dive? I bet he did. Merlin! Youngest seeker--” He turned to Lily. “And you didn’t tell me!”

“I’d have told you before his first game, I promise,” said Lilly, between giggles.

“Of course!” James straightened. “There’ll be games! I have to tell someone. I have to--” he stood, remembering, suddenly, that he was in a meeting. He nodded at Minerva. “Professor, excuse me.”

He walked out of the classroom with measured steps, and then, once he was out of sight, Lily thought she could just make out the sound of a 31-year-old man cartwheeling down the corridor.

Minerva looked at Lily in exasperation. “Why the two of you ever got married is beyond me.”

Lily was still giggling. “He’ll forgive me. For our anniversary, he sent a howler to my office that listed all the reasons why he loves me. I thought I’d have to change my career! So really, keeping quiet about this for a month was the least I could do to pay him back. And I knew he’d be just unbearable once he found out.”

*

They found Harry outside the potions classroom, standing in a little clump with Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and a girl with very large hair whom Lily didn’t recognize.

“HARRY!” called James in a loud, booming voice that echoed around the stone corridor.

Harry’s head snapped up, and Lily could see that he was glaring violently at them.

“No,” he told his parents.

“Hello to you too,” she said, holding out her arms for a hug, which he reluctantly accepted. “Alright Ron, Neville?”

“Hi Mrs. Potter,” they mumbled.

“I’m sure your parents were very pleased to hear you’re in Gryffindor!” she beamed at them.

James squinted at the girl. “You’re not Letitia Abbot’s daughter, are you?”

The girl shook her head. “I’m Hermione Granger. I don’t think you’d know my parents. They’re dentists!”

“Oh, brilliant!” Lily beamed. “You don’t happen to have a card on you, do you?” Hermione shook her head again, her dark curls slapping against her face. “I’ve been trying to find a good dentist for Harry! Wizards think they can solve every problem with magic, but I keep telling James, there’d be no problem in the first place if we just had regular cleaning appointments!”

Hermione’s eyes lit up. “I’ve noticed that! It’s like with quidditch--nobody wears padding or anything, not even when they practice! I thought it was a bit dangerous but mostly it’s just another way of separating themselves--ourselves--from the muggles!”

“Like the quills!” Lily agreed.

“Exactly! Well, I quite like the quills, actually,” said Hermione.

Lily grinned. “I do too,” she said in a stage whisper.

Hermione looked as though she was about to say something else, but the door to the potions room opened and a group of students in Hufflepuff robes began to file out.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” said Harry, waving goodbye to his parents without a trace of regret.

“Oh, no,” said Lily, surprised. “We’re coming in with you!”

“No, you’re not. Mum, parents don’t just sit in on classes here,” Harry whined. 

“But it was my favorite class!” pleaded Lily.

“You can sit in on any potions class you like except mine,” Harry said, holding firm. “You’ll embarrass me.”

“I’ll be on my best behavior,” Lily promised. “So will your father.”

“I’ll be nothing of the sort,” objected James. “My son is the youngest seeker in a century! He deserves to be celebrated!”

“Fine,” said Harry. “Mum can come, but you can’t.”

“Well that’s hardly fair--” James began, but at that moment, Horace Slughorn himself walked out, looking just as Lily remembered him from her own school days, if a bit smaller and grayer.

When his eyes lit on Lily, he smiled and shook a finger at her. Lily had to resist the urge to ask what she’d done wrong.

“Lily Evans!” he announced. “Minerva told me the two of you would be paying Hogwarts a visit, but I wouldn’t believe it. You haven’t visited your favorite old professor once since you graduated!”

This wasn’t quite true, as she’d seen Minerva several times since graduating, but Lily kissed the man’s cheek anyway, carefully ignoring a choked noise coming from James’ direction. “It really has been too long,” she agreed.

“And Potter,” Slughorn turned to James, a bit more coolly. “Potter Senior, rather. How have you been? Still up to your old mischief?”

“Oh, not nearly enough of it, Professor,” said James, who waggled his eyebrows at Lily once Slughorn had turned back to her. 

Lily coughed, fighting the urge to respond to James in kind. “Professor, we were wondering if you might have a couple of extra chairs for the two of us to sit in on this one?” she asked. “We wouldn’t interfere.”

“Ah, reliving your Hogwarts days?” Horace winked at her. Lily carefully avoided looking at James. “Of course! There’s always room for two of Hogwarts’ finest!” He leaned in towards her and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “I’ve got a real treat planned for today.”

“What’s that?” Lily asked, noting how high her voice had risen in an effort to hold back her laughter, but unable to do anything to fix that.

“They’ll be mixing blemish blitzer! Of course, it’s just to teach them about the properties of bubotuber pus, but I thought--”

But a yelp from Lily drowned out the end of his sentence, and was followed by helpless sobs of laughter.

Slughorn froze, looking taken aback.

“I’m--sorry--professor!” Lily managed to gasp out between laughs.

James shrugged at Slughorn. “She must have been hexed by one of the students,” he sighed. He wrapped an arm around the hysterical Lily, who pinched him behind his back. “I’d better take her to the hospital wing.” He waved goodbye to a red-faced Harry. “Harry, we’ll see you at lunch after all.” He nodded to Slughorn. “Always a pleasure, Professor Slug.” His eyes widened. “Er, Slughorn.” 

Lily wailed at that last bit, and, for lack of any better way to salvage the situation, sprinted towards the nearest staircase, dragging James after her.

“Well then,” said Slughorn. He stared after Lily, and then, appearing to shake off the incident, stepped back into the classroom.

If there had ever been a moment for Harry to don his invisibility cloak, it was now, but he knew he’d left it in his closet at home. 

“Well,” said Ron, as they followed Slughorn, “At least it wasn’t your dad this time.”

Harry knew the words were meant to be comforting, but he honestly didn’t know which brand of humiliation he preferred. Frankly, he didn’t see how it could get any worse than growing up with James and Lily Potter as his parents.


End file.
